Sauvé: The army gave me purpose. Returning to civilian life was hard

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When I was 29, I acquired my first recreational vehicle. As I knew nothing about RVing, I also bought The Complete Idiot’s Guide to RVing. Boy, was that book ever helpful. The last chapter talked about the full-timers, those who leave everything behind to travel year-round in their RVs. The “home-is-where-you-park-it” types of travellers. I remember exactly why, according to the book, most full-timers finally decided to quite the RV lifestyle: Lack of purpose.

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You may ask, what does this have to do with my transition from the military to the civilian life? The answer is that a sense of purpose is important in life.

For most of us, simply enjoying the good things in life in not enough. We need a purpose. The military gave me that. I had the sense that I was working for a greater good. I had a sense of service.

When I left the army after 22 years of service, my wife and I decided to go for a one-year, around-the-world trip with our three kids. We all thoroughly enjoyed that once-in-a-lifetime experience and, upon returning to Canada, the kids went back to school and my wife to work.

I, on the other hand, decided to take some time off before choosing what my second career would be. I had joined the army at 16 and the military was all I had known for me entire adult life.

The first few weeks at home here enjoyable. Then, I started to experience difficult feelings. I was easily irritated and I was losing my temper for no particular reason. One morning after sending the kids to school, I went to the mailbox with the dog. Returning home, it dawned on me that I had nothing to do until the kids came back in late afternoon.

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I thought my bad mood was due to the fact that, for the first time in my life, I was not bringing money to the family. But then I realized that it wasn’t my lack of income that was making me feel uneasy. It was the lack of purpose in life that had been nagging me. Being on the road for a year had given me purpose, but there I was, not yet 40 and I spent all day alone at home while my friends were at work, many of them still in the service of the country.

I eventually found work and the feeling of emptiness gradually faded. I was fooling myself though when I thought that I had completed a full transition back to the civilian life.

It had taken the army a few years to turn me into a soldier, it would take a few years to return me to a full civilian. Ten solid years after retirement, I am still thinking that my main purpose in life was to serve.

The Army gave me purpose. I sorely miss that feeling, still today. I especially miss that sense of camaraderie, of being brothers in arms. I know this may be cliché, but that’s what most in the military feel. They’re brothers and sisters in arms. It is a shared sense of purpose.

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Most people don’t put themselves into harm’s way just to gain money. Those who joined and stayed long enough did so because the military gave them a sense of service, of fulfillment, of adventure. Mostly, it gave them a sense of purpose in life.

Having a purpose gets you out of bed each day. It fills your day and it allows you to sleep contently at night. Just like those full-time RVers, I have realised that purpose is not only important. It is critical for all of us.

Eric Sauvé was an infantry and an intelligence officer between 1992 and 2014.

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